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“Hysterical” ~ Someone very important
“Funny because it’s true-ish” ~ A real tastemaker (like Oprah)

Elizabeth Banks Snag Their Own Film

by Monika Bartyzel Apr 17th 2009 // 4:02PM

It looks like the blonde funnywomen are breaking out of the mold and leaving the men behind. No more married life with Paul Rudd or amateur porn with Seth Rogen – Variety reports that Leslie Mann andElizabeth Banks have signed on to star in New Line’sWhat Was I Thinking?

Unfortunately, it’ll still be man-obsessed. The project is adapting Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman’sWhat Was I Thinking?: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories. The book is a collection of essays coming from a whole slew of people, including our favorite Leia Carrie Fisher and writer Francesca Lia Block, that covers the moments when women realize that their relationship is not going to work, like overhearing the wrong thing, wine snobbery, and men thinking of other women during sex. It’s almost as reductive as He’s Just Not That Into You! In film form, the project will follow four friends who go on a hedonistic ski trip after one gets dumped, and I assume they then reminisce, or run into, more men that fit these bad boyfriend scenarios.

On the bright side, it’s a female-centric crew — Lynda Obst is producing, and Susanna Fogel and Joni Lefkowitz sold the pitch. (I’m even forgiving them for being the ladies behind JJ Abrams’ upcoming remake of Little Darlings.) It’ll also probably get a few more awesome funny ladies attached, maybe even Tina Fey. But do we really need more romance-centric man bashing? I can’t decide if it’s simply good to see the ladies get more work behind the scenes and starring comedy on the screen, or just another excuse for women to be relegated to fluff.

WHAT WAS I THINKING? 54 Bad Boyfriend Stories, edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman. Every woman has asked the question, and this collection, filled with stories from top names, proves there are almost limitless, and hilarious, ways to answer it. February release.

I met my dear friend Katherine Ruppe on the way to a white-water rafting adventure in Idaho. We hit it off immediately over lumpy sleeping bags, swarming bees and some sort of pharmaceutical that guaranteed we’d snooze through the scent of the nearby al fresco latrine.

I knew immediately that Katherine was a laugh-out-loud kind of writer. Apparently, the New York Times agrees.

MODERN LOVE

A Guest Star in His Romantic Drama

By KATHERINE RUPPE
Published: January 16, 2009 in the New York Times

MY science-fiction-loving friend Alyson always told me geeky guys were more interesting. I took her words to heart when I found myself single again a few years ago and resolved to broaden my dating pool.

Until then my pool (more like a mud puddle) had consisted solely of adventurous, charming, yet fatally flawed boy-men, one of whom had left me stranded at dusk with a flat tire while mountain biking down a ravine known to be frequented by mountain lions. An earnest geek with a heart of gold could only be an improvement.

With that in mind, I met The Engineer. He was good looking in a Clark Kent way. Sure, he was a brainiac with multiple degrees and a military-industrial-complex job, but he also indulged in Red Bull and Jägermeister, was an athlete and had a playful side. Maybe I could have my Clark Kent and a daring Superman, too.

Our first date was initially strained because of his quiet nature — he seemed unable to speak without first making intricate internal computations. Luckily after a few cocktails he loosened up, and we talked about spiritualism, near-death experiences and flying (he owned a plane — hot). I melted when he held my hand and spoke of future dates we would go on. His good-night kiss was a little mechanical, but I still got goose bumps. I went to sleep that night feeling unexpectedly tingly.

Two weeks later we had our second date, in Las Vegas, where The Engineer was temporarily working. I had just finished a screenplay, and my craving for adventure won over my need for caution in the romance department, so I flew there to meet him.

The movie version of our time there would be all glitter and high-rolling romance. In reality, we were two people growing more in lust in a bland business motel complete with free happy-hour beer and hot wings. After two days he flew me back to Los Angeles in his single-engine. His sexy pilot’s voice revved me up, while his explanations of wing load put me to sleep. Perhaps that’s what life with Superman was all about.

Back home, visions of boyfriendship danced through my head. The Engineer, however, seemed to be on a different flight plan, not calling for more than a week. But by our next date our connection had returned so strongly that I blithely set aside my dismay and invited him to a Moby concert.

Twenty-four hours later I was lazing on my couch when he phoned. I thought: “How nice, he’s calling two nights in a row. He really does like me.” Instead he sent my stomach into a neat back flip with the words: “There’s something we need to talk about.” I braced myself for his dirty bomb.

Read the rest of Katherine’s saga here.

Guru’s Note: Katherine’s story is also included in a riotous new estro-classic by Liz Dubelman and Barbara Davilman: What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories. (If they’d asked me, I could have made it an even 60. At least.)

Posted by: Chelsea Kaplan 

In my opinion, if you’re over 25 and don’t have at least one “bad boyfriend” story, something’s wrong with you. Mine, who I dated right around 23, was a totally self-absorbed, not particularly cute, questionably gay co-worker who was occasionally kind to me, yet more often a serious ass, bringing that annoying Katy Perry “Hot ‘N Cold” song to life. Seriously, I could spend weeks posting insane accounts of his jerk-tastic behavior or the emails my friends sent me pleading that I please, for the love of God, cut him loose. Because I probably spent more money on Kleenex than rent during the tenure of our relationship, looking back, I want to smack young, immature me for putting up with his nonsense for so long. What kind of self-assured woman lets a dude treat her like dirt? I did, but, believe it or not, I’m glad he’s included in my relationship Rolodex. Had I not dated Mr. Not-So-Incredible, I never would have been able to fully appreciate the warmth, kindness, generosity and - gasp! – maturity of Mr. Truly Incredible, who I later married. 

If you too have partnered with a total tool, you’ll love the first-person recollections and redemptive lessons in What Was I Thinking: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories (edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman) as much as I did. Penned by authors like Carrie Fisher and “Sex and the City” writer Cindy Chupak, the stories are more than, “Seriously, how much did he suck?” rants—they’re celebrations of the instant when logic, common sense and simple self-respect triumph over the need to be loved —or, at least, the need to be in a relationship.

Though there’s a requisite amount of ex-bashing (it wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable without some, right?), the authors never shy away from taking themselves to task, examining how and why they got involved with a jerk in the first place. Thankfully, the authors steer clear of any annoyingly self-indulgent amateur psychoanalysis, instead choosing to include a hefty dose of humor, as in Kerri Cesene’s “The Yogi”, the story of her fling with a yoga instructor:

“He pulled me on top. I smiled and leaned down to kiss his sacred lips. I closed my eyes. The I felt…his hand…on my …shoulder…which he gently rolled back…and I thought, ohmygod, is he correcting my posture? During sex?!? Since then I’ve been amazed to discover how many douchebags become yoga teachers.”

Also priceless are the stories of a woman whose ex told her friends he thought her ass was too big – after she left to go to the ladies’ room; one whose former boyfriend accused her of ruining the soup by making it with the wrong-sized noodles; and, of course, a woman who once dated a guy who stole her stuff. Not joking. 

It’s comforting, and occasionally laugh-out-loud funny, to realize that you’re not the only one who’s taken a trip down dating-a-loser lane. And as you do, I bet that you too will realize that despite any heartache you incurred while doing so, you’re better off for having endured the journey. And if anything, you’ve got a kick-ass story for the next edition of this book.

By Deirdre Donahue, USA TODAY

… What Was I Thinking? 

58 Bad Boyfriend Stories
Edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman; St. Martin’s Press, 200 pp., $19.95

This is a treat for any woman spending the big V alone. Really. This collection of real-life “love” stories should be filed under the category of horror/humor — and kept out the hands of impressionable girls who might consider the veil, because Thinking could be subtitled The Joy of Celibacy. Fifty-eight brave women — including Carrie Fisher and Nicole Hollander — reveal the precise moment in which they realized they did not/should not/would not/could never love the man they were with. Sometimes it was the date who pronounced “carafe” as “creche,” insisting he was correct. And sometimes it was looking at a husband of 14 years and realizing he’d never decouple from the TV. The scary ones are the stories about all the things women did for love. And got zip in return.

Posted by Sam Horn

Every smart author knows the value of linking their book to an evergreen topic AND an annual event.

Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture, Bill Cosby’s Congratulations! Now What? and Maria Shriver’s Just Who Will You Be? Big Question. Little Book. Answer Within. will be on the front table of every bookstore in the country in the months around graduation time. As a result, their books are back-listed and continue to sell millions of copies year after year.

Authors and publishers with books about love, relationships and dating know the value of Valentine’s Day and capitalize on it with new, stop-em-in-their-tracks titles and sub-titles.

Favorite examples include:

Better Off Wed? Fling to Ring – Which Finger to Give Him by Alison James

The Man Plan: Drive Men Wild – Not Away by Whitney Casey

What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories, edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman

I Used to Miss Him . . . But My Aim’s Improving by Alison James (a creative, witty author)

1001 Ways to Be Romantic by Greg Godek

What Men Won’t Tell You and Women Need to Know by Bob Berkowitz

Men Are From Mars, Women are From Venus by John Gray (which has spawned a cottage industry of follow-up books)

And of course the grandaddy of them all — He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo

That best-selling book has inspired several copy-cats such as:

He Just THINKS He’s Not That Into You: The Insanely Determined Girl’s Guide to Getting The Man She Wants by Danielle Whitman

Be Honest – You’re Not That Into Him Either: Raise Your Standards and Reach for the Love You Deserve by Ian Kerner

The point? It takes months to write a quality book. Yet it may never get read if you don’t give it a strategic, attention-grabbing name that gets it noticed.

All of the above names are poster childs for POP! techniques including one called AIR-tight Sound Bites which shows how to use:
Alliteration
Iambic rhythym
Rhyme
to create memorable titles and sub-titles that help your book(s) POP! off the shelf.

My book POP! Create the Perfect Pitch, Title and Tagline just came out in paperback from Perigee-Penguin.

If you want your book to be a back-listed bestseller, buy a copy today and discover for yourself why Jacqueline Deval (author of Publicize Your Book) said, “One of the keys to attracting media coverage is to have intriguing, memorable sound bites that grab the attention of broadcast reporters and producers. POP! is filled with specific, innovative ways you can craft pitches and titles to do jsut that.”

THE EX FILES

Stories of relationships gone awry

By Erin Clements

If you need a reason to be glad you’re single this Valentine’s Day, What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories, a spirited collection of first-person tales edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman, offers dozens. Many of the volume’s anecdotes read like rants straight out of Sex and the City (in fact, in one essay, SATC scribe Cindy Chupack expounds on the merits of marrying bad boys). Other highlights include “The Yogi,” in which Keri Cesene recounts an intimate encounter with a yoga instructor who corrects her posture at an inopportune moment; “The Unibrow Breakup,” in which Judith Dewey unhappily discovers an attractively hirsute suitor’s newfound affinity for wax; and “Norm Crosby Syndrome,” Lynn Snowden Picket’s argument that malapropisms can be a deal-breaker when a date ruins an otherwise romantic dinner by ordering a “crèche” of wine. Hey, beats watching an episode of Tool Academy.

By CLAIRE SUDDATH

Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman have written a book — with the help of 54 other women. In What Was I Thinking: 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories they write of the men they have dated, the men they have dumped, the men they should have dumped and the men they wish they had never met. There’s the woman whose porn-star boyfriend dumps her for being too promiscuous, the college girl who dates a fanatical Barbie fan, the woman who overhears her date calling her fat and dozens of other guys who just weren’t good enough. Davilman and Dubelman talk to TIME about what happens when the sexes don’t get along. (See the latest dating fads.)

How can women avoid dating bad boyfriends? 
Davilman: My belief is that people tell you who they are in the first five minutes. Most people have expectations and needs and an idea of how they want their life to be, and they will only hear what they want to hear to make someone else fit into their idea. Sometimes you go through this entire relationship only to find out that you should have paid attention to the person they told you they were in the first place. You ignored it.

You write that you found some of the book’s many contributors through Craigslist ads. Did that really work? 
Dubelman: Some of them came that way. There are stories still coming in. We have a website that we put them on. Some of the stories even turned into videos onSlate.

Did you think of taking submissions from guys?
Dubelman: We originally tried to make it more mixed, but all the men’s stories that came in were the same: “She was so hot, but she was crazy.” There wasn’t a whole lot of depth to that.
Davilman: Those were their submissions. They were like, “Here is what was wrong with her: this and this and this and this.” And you get to the end and there’s still no acceptance of responsibility or any self-awareness.

Yikes. That doesn’t speak so well for men. 
Dubelman: But then after they read this book, we got more stories that were a little more shaded, had more color. They realized what the stories should be about. I think they get it now. (See pictures of the 20th century’s greatest romances.)

But the men in your book didn’t come off as being that awful. 
Dubelman: They’re not awful!
Davilman: They’re not!
Dubelman: We love men!
Davilman: They just weren’t right for those women, that’s all. I’m really glad the book didn’t devolve into male-bashing. It’s really about the women and the things they didn’t see.
Dubelman: Or saw and ignored.
Davilman: Or couldn’t see.

Have you gotten feedback from any of the men who were written about? 
Dubelman: I got a lot of Facebook messages from old boyfriends who said, “The book’s great — I’m not that guy, am I?”
Davilman: Liz got an e-mail from a guy I wrote about in the book. He asked to get in contact with me. And I said yes because we didn’t end on terrible terms.
Dubelman: I’m not 100% sure he knew he was the guy in the book.
Davilman: He did not know! So I wrote him back and I said, “Did you recognize that story? Do you remember that moment that I described?” (See the top 10 nonfiction books of 2008.)

So you told him? 
Davilman: Yes, and I have yet to hear back from him. But it wasn’t a bad story! He doesn’t look bad in it. We just didn’t fit.

Why do the women settle for these men if they know they aren’t the right fit? 
Davilman: That’s the thing — I don’t know. You don’t walk into a store and see a broken toaster and go, “Aw, well, when I get it home, it will start working.” You don’t go, “Oh, that dress — the sleeve is falling off. But I can fix it at home.” No, you want a dress that fits. You want a toaster that works. But women — and I guess men too — are so willing to take the broken one. (Watch a video about dating advice for women.)

The authors in this collection range in age from 19 to almost 70. Did you notice any generational difference between the stories told by young women and those who were older? 
Dubelman: Younger women were more explicit about sex. That’s really the only thing. They wrote about sex more openly and they used more explicit language. But the sentiments were all the same.

Did you ever get any stories in which you felt the woman was at fault? 
Dubelman: Oh, sure. And the women are so great at confessing their own faults. There’s a story in the book where the woman has sex in a bar bathroom. She absolutely knew that this was a crazy idea, the bathroom was dirty, it was not a nice place, she didn’t even really want to do it. It was a horrible idea — and gross — but she’s willing to confess that she did it. So you don’t blame her for it, ’cause she says, “O.K., I made a mistake.” So yes, women are at fault as much as men are at fault, but in this particular book — and the next one will be different — the women were the ones willing to say, “You know what? I made a terrible mistake.”

Will there be a second book? 
Dubelman: We hope so. We want to do a book from the man’s perspective. And we want to get some same-sex couples.

Do you think that men feel the same way about relationships as women? 
Davilman: That’s what we want to find out!

Do you have your own relationship tale? Davilman and Dubelman are still accepting stories about bad boyfriends and girlfriends on their website.

Media Credit: Emily Holden

After consoling a coworker during a bad breakup, book Editor Barbara Davilman realized there was more to it than just sharing bad breakup stories with a friend–there was a book. What began as a group of coworkers sharing stories about when they knew their relationships were over, ended in a book deal and a soon-to-be sequel. “I said oh my god this is a book,” Davilman said.

“What was I thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories,” is a collection of short stories edited by Barbara Davilman and Liz Dubelman and written by many first time authors. Using the Internet to find people willing to share their stories, Davilman and Dubelman put the word out through MySpace, FaceBook and Craig’s List. “Women just started telling their stories to us,” Davilman said. “[We] put them on the web and gather[ed] an audience.”

The stories were posted as “VidLits,” or short video clips with pictures and sound, which are the creation of Dubelman. It was these videos that promoted the book and attracted the audience before the book finally went to print.

The book, which features written work from authors of all skill levels, includes stories about the moments that made women realize the relationship was over. “It could just be any moment when you say ‘oh my god what was I thinking’,” Davilman said.

And that “what was I thinking” moment is when a woman realizes it just wasn’t meant to be. “[Although women] can have these moments and stay in the relationship for another year and a half or so,” she said.

“It’s really just about knowing the end of something,” Dubelman continued.

Although the book features stories about bad breakups, it’s about more than just the bad boyfriend. “[The book] focus[es] on the woman and her journey and [not necessarily] the bad boyfriend,” Davilman said. “We’re looking for that epiphany: what was it that made you say ‘oh my god’.”

“[When reading the book,] it makes you feel better to know you’re not alone,” Dubelman said.

“The most popular story in the book is “The Idealist.” It’s about a woman that goes out with a porn star [and he dumps her because she is too promiscuous],” Dubelman said. “You just have to listen to that little voice inside of you.” If it’s a bad moment, you get out of it.