Amy’s Story: The Internet
Here is my tale of the moment that I knew my last relationship was over…After a few bad dating experiences and being single for about two years, my friends urged me to try internet dating. I was a bit reluctant, but figured that many people have found love on dating sites…why couldn’t I? So I posted a profile on a free dating site and waited.I received a plethora of messages, winks, and other forms of contact, but no one really caught my eye.
On night while I was watching the Red Sox, I decided to surf some profiles myself and reach out to a guy that I came across. He looked perfect– he was tall, had a great smile, was athletic, seemed to have good morals, was well written in his profile, lived about 40 minutes from me, and even was a native of the state that I went to college! I sent him a quick note and was surprised when he messaged me back the next day.We chatted on this website for a few days before setting up a date on St. Patrick’s Day. We both had previous plans so it was decided that this would be a quick drink just to finally meet each other. I was nervous as I dressed and got ready to meet who I hoped would at least become a new friend.When I got to the restuarant and saw him waiting by the door, I was floored. He was even better looking in person! His baby blue eyes were piercing, and his warm smile was so cute! He was polite, complimentary, and interesting. After two drinks and an hour later, we parted with a kiss on the cheek and promises to call each other.When he texted me later that night to tell me what a great time he had and that he couldn’t wait to see me again, my heart skipped a beat.
For the next week, we talked on the phone and texted each other often. He was away for business, so our second date was not until a week after our intial meeting. We went to a basketball game and had dinner, and the sparks were flying.This guy was too good to be true! He was so charming, had his act together, treated me as if I was a princess, and was strikingly handsome. For the next few weeks, we saw each other on a regular basis and got to know each other…or so I thought.As time went on, I was falling for this guy. He took me on fun and unique dates such as ice skating on a frozen pond and watching planes take off from a local airport while sipping wine and talking about our dreams and aspirations.He made an effort to meet and get along with my frinds, and even introduced me to several of his closest pals. He took me on weekend trips and to his basketball games (he played for a local league). He came to my parent’s house for a family cook out and surprised me at my sister’s high school graduation party. He even shook my father’s hand and told him that he was falling for his daughter.But something wasn’t right…he was a bit fishy at times.
After the first two or three months, he was constantly cancelling our dates for work related outings, sick grandparents, and sudden out of town basketball tournaments. I wasn’t bothered at the beginning. After all, he was a successful and busy man, and I would never want to get in the way of his career and other aspects of his life.I was severely disappointed on my birthday. I had asked him for weeks to try and get out of a weekend basketball tournament so that he could spend my birthday with me. He told me that he would try his best, and the week of my birthday, told me that he was almost positive that he would be around for my special day.
However, on the day before my birthday, he called to tell me that his replacement teammate’s wife had gone into labor, so that he had to travel with the team that weekend. I was heart broken. We had been dating for almost three months, and I had never asked him to give up anything to spend time with me. But my birthday was supposed to be special! So needless to say…no card, no present, no boyfriend.I tried to act as if it didn’t bother me when he returned home that Monday. I then asked him to accompany me to a celebrity basketball game a few weeks later. My mother had paid a lot of money to get me these tickets, because she knew my boyfriend was a basketball nut. He promised me that he would take the night off and come with me.A few weeks and more cancelled dates passed. It got to the point where we were barely seeing each other once a week.
The morning of the basketball game, I get a text message from him saying that he is stuck in Washington DC at an important meeting and won’t make it home. Disappointed again. I asked a friend to take his ticket for that night and had fun, but it wasn’t the same.He constantly told me that he would make these things up to me, but never did. I grinned and bared it, because when we were together, he was so great to me. “Just suck it up Amy…he’s busy. You have such a wonderful time when you are together, why throw that away because he has to cancel every once in a while?” is what I told myself.I was falling in love with this guy and he told me that the feelings were mutual.
At our three month point, I asked him why I had never been to his house. A flood of excuses spilled from his mouth…”I have a roommate who is a born again Christian and wouldn’t approve of me having my girlfriend sleep over”, “There are some out of town family members staying with me”, and “I don’t even like being home, so I figured you wouldn’t want to go hang out there”. I expressed to him that I thought this was a bit odd, and he promised to take me to his house on our next date. He even told me that he was thinking of buying a new place and that he wanted me to move in with him. I was pumped!
The following week, his grandfather got very sick and was hospitalized…I think. He told me this was why he couldn’t see me for a few weeks. He was constantly at the hospital or caring for his grief stricked grandmother. I stayed by his side as he flew back and forth to Philadelphia to help his family.During this time, my friends and family members started asking me questions. “Well Amy, are you SURE he’s not married?” “There’s always an excuse for everything”, and “Who is he…Austin Powers, the International Man of Mystery? Amy, he’s a nice guy but we think he is hiding something from you”. I was angry at them for thinking that the man who told me every day that he was in love with me and didn’t want anyone else would be lying or manipulating me. I brushed their comments aside.
As the summer went on, I saw him less and less. I loved him, and wanted to be with him so much, but didn’t know how much more I could take. Everytime he cancelled on me, chose something unimportant over spending time with me, or ditched me, a piece of my heart broke off. I’m not a needy girlfriend…I don’t demand presents, push to meet my family, or start moving into to an apartment without permission. All I wanted was his time…and I wasn’t getting that.He told me that Labor Day weekend would be better. He had planned a beach weekend just for the two of us. We were going to spend three days sunning, sanding, and being together. I was ecstatic! I was going to forget ball of the times he had hurt me over the summer because he was going to make up for it now. I packed my bags and took Friday off from work.
On Friday morning, my phone rang and my stomach tensed. Sure enough, we would have to wait until tomorrow because of something with his grandmother. But he promised that would could still go for one night, and although I was upset, I bit my tongue.On Saturday, I woke up and waited for him to call. As the hours passed, I started thinking the worst. Is he ok? Is his grandmother sick? By the time the sun set and and I still hadn’t heard from him, I broke down crying. Yet again he let me down.I texted and called him three times over the next few days and I heard nothing. Being the good girlfriend that I was, I was worried sick over him and tried to find another way to contact him. In the six months that we had been dating, he had never gone days without calling me. So I logged online and “Googled him, hoping to find his home phone number or work email…some way to reach him.
What I found made me gasp out loud. I was shaking as I read that he had been lying to me about almost everything he had told me for six months. His last name, where his parents live, where he went to high school, what college he attended, his address…all of it was lies. No wonder I had never been to his house! No wonder I had never met his parents or grandparents!I couldn’t believe my eyes. At first, I told myself that I was mistaken. But when his cell phone number and business came up listed to this other name, I knew he was a liar.
That’s when the light bulb went off and I had my moment of “What was I thinking?!?” I had believed everything this man told me because I had no other reason not to. I had forgiven his cancellations and stood by him through hard times with his family. And now it was all over.He finally decided to call me on Wednesday to tell me his sob story, but I had had enough. He claimed that he had been with his sick granmother and that she was hospitalized. I didn’t let on about my new found information, and expressed my condolences. I asked him what hospital she was in so that I could send her some flowers. He reluctantly told me, and I smiled inside.
After we hung up, I called the very hospital that he claimed to be at visiting his sick grandmother, and true to my suspicions, there was no patient listed with her name. Wow…he was so sick to even go as far as to concoct a story about a sick grandparent to pacify me and blame for our once again cancelled trip. He didn’t know it yet, but we were DONE.The next day, I called my two best friends and told them. They were somewhat shocked, but knew he was shady the whole time. I wish I had listened to them in the beginning! We all got together and I logged online to show them what I had found. Through my searches with them, I came across more. I found profiles listed on sex websites where he had listed that he was SINGLE and looking to meet up with women for one night stands and threesomes! My blood was boiling and any feelings I had for this man quickly dissolved.
Later that night, I called and confronted him about the information I had found. He told me that I was mistaken, and that he was often confused with this man. I wasn’t buying it! I had proof and had even printed it out to present to him if he questioned me. He blamed the profiles on adult sites to pranks that his friends had played on him, and starting guilting me for investigating him on the internet. I explained to him that I was looking for another way to get in touch with him because I worried about his well being, and told him that I couldn’t continue to date someone that I didn’t trust or didn’t really know to begin with! He never fessed up to his lies or fabricated stories, so we ended it right then, on our sixth month anniversary.Although I was upset and hurt for weeks to come, I was thankful. I was dating a man with a double life, and so grateful to have had my “What was I thinking?” moment before it was too late.