Mandy’s Story: The Heart Wants What It Wants

I’m sure you have heard the saying “the heart wants what it wants”. Well, my heart inexplicably always wants the person who is the most capable of damaging it. Perhaps in a previous life I was a masochist and just a twinge of that lives on within me, I can’t be sure.

I was a 19 year old college sophomore when I met Luke for the first time. I was sitting cross legged in the crowded common area of my dormitory watching music videos with a group of friends. From behind me I heard the quiet strumming of a guitar so quiet it could have been my imagination. I turned and saw what appeared to be my wistful teenage girl’s fantasy turned reality- an attractive young man playing guitar. If he wasn’t a rock star he certainly looked the part. He wore a black and white baseball shirt un-tucked over black dickies. A ball chain necklace hung around his neck with a guitar pick string from it. He was looking down toward his acoustic and mouthing words as his hands moved so quickly and elegantly over the strings. GOD was this real? Was I dreaming it?

He entwined himself into my life quickly- calling me pet names, sleeping in my dorm room every night, making friends with all my friends. He joined a band and told me how he was going to make it big and take care of us. His guitar would pay the bills, we would just reap the benefits.I was completely enamored and let my own needs go so I could help complete his. We moved to our respective parents’ houses for the summer- over an hour away from each other.

I drove to visit him twice a week, he came to see me once a month. I left work early and took days off to see his band play, all the while sitting in a dark corner with another band girlfriend. Girls swooned over him, just as I had. I noticed the flirty smile was not reserved for me, neither were the pet names. We were all cutie, baby, princess, hot mama. How original. After a whirlwind 4 month romance, it was almost time for school to resume. Luke and a few of his friends were going to a music store near my house so I decided to join. We stood in the aisle surrounded by indie and emo bands with haircuts that looked so familiar to me after the months I spent in the basements of local churches and backyards with the band. He turned to me and said “we should get married.”

There was no ring, no romance, no dropping to one knee, just a sentence. I stood silent for minute before I turned to him and gave my one word answer: “okay.”

Things worked out just as they should and we never tied the knot. We planned a long engagement because we were so young, and love faded. He met a young girl (15 to be exact) at the summer camp he worked at and began dating her within a couple weeks of leaving me “to take a break”. Oh, the insanity.