Jocelyn’s Story: Distance
I had been dating this guy for about 3 months. He was one of my closest friends fiances close friends. Everyone thought it was the best idea that we get together. Who doesn’t want their best friend dating their guy’s best friend, sounds too good to be true. We didn’t live that close so we had to drive out to see each other on weekends. It was a little under 3 hours to get to his place. He was nice enough but I think I knew deep down that he wasn’t the guy for me, but I haven’t had the best luck with men so I figured I’d give him a chance and see where it went.
The more we spent time together the more it seemed like he liked me than I liked him but again I wanted to give him a chance. Although he seemed to be more into me than I was into him it did seem as though I was the one going out his way to see him more often than he was driving my way. Which at first I always made excuses for: “Oh well he had already planned something for that weekend so it just makes more sense for me to go there.” As the summer went on the more we spent time together, I was driving out his way to see him and I realized while I was there we really weren’t even doing much. We would hang out at his house, maybe go to dinner. It was summertime, why weren’t we going out and doing fun stuff!? The times we did do anything was when he wanted to go water skiing. At least those times my friend and her fiance came along so I got to see her. At this point I am still trying to give the relationship a shot, I mean he is a nice guy and treats me good.Then the questions started. It was like no matter what I said or did he’d think something was wrong. It was quite strange really.
He’d be telling me how he wanted me to see a certain movie for weeks so I finally agree to watch it, we put the dvd in and not 10 minutes into the movie he’s asking; “What’s wrong? You seem distant?” Distant??? What was he talking about, I was watching the movie he insisted I see! What was I suppose to do, put the movie on and spark up a conversation? The first couple of times this happened I didn’t think much of it but then these types of questions seemed to come up more and more often. I’d come home from a long day at my job that I was not very fond of and we’d be talking on the phone, I’d say something on the lines of “Babe, it’s been a long day, don’t take this personal but I think i’m just going to head off to bed early tonight”. No big deal, we’d hang up the phone and what do you know, a text comes through moments later “whats wrong, did I do something, you seem distant” DISTANT, there is that lovely word again! I then have to call him back and explain to him that no it has nothing to do with him, as I had previously stated it was a bad day, work isn’t going so hot lately and I’d just like some sleep. Even after telling him all this I can sense that he is still worried.
This goes on for about a month, I keep telling him that nothing is wrong, I’m not being distant, blah blah blah. I joke with my friends about it at first but then I can tell that I am hardly even bringing him up to them at all anymore. My friends and I aren’t the type to not discuss the guys we are dating, not in bad ways they just usually don’t come up, so if they don’t at all anymore, not a good sign boys!Then the shit really started to hit the “distant” fan. I suffer from migraines in the worst way!
One day while I am, of course, up visiting him we spend the ENTIRE day at some store waiting around for one of his friends to show up so they can buy a flat screen TV. At no point during this al day event do I complain, I just go with the flow and figure oh well at least we’re out of the house. Finally they get the TV and we go to dinner, I am starving at this point. I have now gone from slight headache to full blown migraine, this is not good. I try to get some food down in hopes that I can avoid getting really sick. We eat dinner and head home. The drive back to his house is at least an hour. I can feel my migraine getting worse and worse. Then being in the car makes my stomach feel upset. Next thing I know I’m having him pull over the car, it’s pouring rain and I’m throwing up. I get back in the car and you can tell he feels bad because I’m not feeling well and now soaking wet. I think to myself that he is being really sweet about the fact that I’m sick so maybe things aren’t going to turn out so bad with him.
We finally get home after having to stop a couple more times. My head is just pounding at this point so I just go inside change into some comfy clothes and get into bed. The only thing that is making this migraine go anywhere is sleep and some solid sleep at that.He lets me just sleep for a while which is all I want. The next morning I wake up and I’m feeling better but still not 100%. He is next to me and I don’t even remember when he got into bed. I’m sort of just laying there thinking how I’m almost afraid to move because anything can trigger the migraine to come back and I can’t even imagine that happening. Then without any warning I hear “what’s the matter, you seem distant this morning” I CANNOT EVEN BELIEVE HE IS PULLING THAT B.S. WITH ME OUT OF ALL MORNINGS. I turn to him and try to explain that if he had forgotten so quickly the night before I was throwing up and barely able to even keep my eyes open my head hurt so bad. I apologized that in the midst of all that was my misery I wasn’t jumping all over him or reassuring him that I like him still. I am so shocked that out of all the times he tries to pull his insecure crap he decides that right then would be a good time.
We get into a little argument but it doesn’t last long. I am probably the worst arguer ever, I just don’t see the point and tend to just try and resolve things quick rather than let it get out of hand. We don’t see each other for a couple weekends and I have this mixed feeling about it. I miss him but at the same time feel as though I can sense that this is all coming to an end. It was strange though because we had the connection of mutual friends. It was almost like if I break up with him I have to explain myself to them. He comes to visit me and right when he gets there it’s like someone punches me right in the gut and says you know this is WRONG!!! We decide to go to the movies, a comedy. We are watching the movie and he keeps tapping my shoulder or knee and asking for a kiss. I’ll admit that I can be a somewhat cold once I have made a decision because I know there is no going back, the choice has been made, that’s that. FINAL! Then, out of nowhere in the middle of the movie, may I remind you, a comedy, not something sappy or sad, a comedy. He leans down and puts his head on my shoulder. For some reason this small little act made me scream in my head. It was as if every thought after that one little act was “BREAK UP WITH HIM” After the movie was out it was awful, every word that came out of his mouth got on my nerves. We got back to my apartment and were just hanging around doing nothing and yet I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to scream. HE WAS SOOOOO ANNOYING!! I went out into the living room at one point and even said to my roommate how I couldn’t take it! It had to be done. So I went back into the bedroom and did what really should have been done that very first time I heard the word “distant”.
He wasn’t very happy and ended up leaving that night even after I told him to at least stay and drive back in the morning. It was hard because he kept saying see I knew it all those times I thought you were acting weird it’s because you were. NOOOO YOU IDIOT, those times there was nothing wrong but now your stupid constant question has made something wrong! NOW I REALLY AM BEING DISTANT! He didn’t take it well. He tried with great effort to keep communication with me. I did feel bad for the poor guy but it was all too much. I can’t be reassuring my boy friend at all times that I like him, it should be natural. It’s a little time after Christmas and I think he’s doing ok now. I do hope he finds a girl that he won’t feel so inclined to question his girlfriend at any chance he can get!