Cassie’s Story: No Words Left
You didn’t get it. Didn’t get how it is the way it is. How falling leads to fallen, and fallen brings fear to ever get back up and try again for Love. I wanted to not get that. But I did.
I knew as well as you how it feels when you push two opposing ends together and hope. The hope’s the thing that stalled me from ending it, us. That hoping to mend, to get back to where the skin was fresh as the vantage point from innocence to now, but it wasn’t. Every try felt like a try before I’d want some more, and you’d want some less. And then as time led our opposing want want wanting to each other, we would sit stalled on pavement with hollow eyed glares…like the last time I saw you. I was sitting on your driveway as you stood looking down on me, and I wanted you more than you knew, and you wanted me more than you’d like to admit, because then you would become second to no one else but yourself. And as I asked if “this was it”, and your silence weighed heavier, and asked if you were “just gonna leave me here”, and without a second left to reconsider your hot out of conscience thoughts, you pressed out a YES, you chose you.
Then, well hell there was no more fuel to pump into my knee-jerk reactions to run back or towards us, the classic end all BE ALL cycles of feelings without reason that was all I ever knew with you, because at that moment, your reasoning cut the cord to all my emotions. And without feelings, we had nothing. And that was the way our story ended. I didn’t have a word left to say, but it didn’t matter because I wanted you to have the last word. I wanted you to still hear your own voice, whatever attempt at preserving your needs to be you, some good ol- self-talk for you to shout out to air as even your echo became haunted by every moment of silence I left.